I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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