He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
