this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
