Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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