just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
