Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
