walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
