the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
