is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
