There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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