Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
