Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize