Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
