why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
