I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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