this beer tastes like vomit already
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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