i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
