Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
