You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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