look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
