Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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