left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
