You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Randomize
