I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize