i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
nutella sex= disaster
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
