idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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