It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
