mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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