Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize