so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she looked like the before picture.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
