You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
i need some magic done to my vagina
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
