The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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