I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
