Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize