WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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