it's great music for shaving your balls
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
