420 ftw
My liver just broke up with me...
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
