So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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