Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
