saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
