i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Randomize
