No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
