My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
