You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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