Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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