yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
