If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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