We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
