guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Randomize
