Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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