You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
