Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize