he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
