goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
