is your mom at the bar?
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
