i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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