I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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