My entire life is one complicated drinking game
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
