Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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