ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
