I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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