made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
