everyone is single if you try hard enough
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
