my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
