I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
