eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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