dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
