White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I could make wine with my vomit
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize