I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Randomize
